Mall Bar (single)

by Basketball Knees

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The modern dating world is complicated. Our narrator, painfully aware of this, is attempting online dating for the first time. Despite what would seem like a set of aligned interests--95% compatibility said the app!--his prospective date has suggested they meet at a mall bar.

What is a mall bar, you might ask? Well, they're the kind of chain establishment you might find attached to a mall, serving a variety of totally okay, but not spectacular or interesting foods and drinks. The kind of place you could go to at any time, at any place in any large urban North American city, probably.

And not that there's anything wrong with that! It's just, there are certain signifiers of 'cool' our narrator thinks about a lot, and this one suggests that maybe his prospective date isn't as consumed to obsession with these same signs. Perhaps (gasp), she even prefers the generic yet comforting experience of a mall bar to the authentic and thrilling experience of a more unique dining establishment.

And this causes our narrator to have second thoughts about this whole thing. He maybe creates a set of preconceived ideas about who this person might be, based on the usual demographics of such a place. He contemplates cancelling.

But ultimately he goes. Why? He's not so sure, himself. But when he arrives, his mental image of this person is totally thrown off by what she looks like when he meets her. She's in her mid twenties and has an alt-haircut! She has a 'What Would Husker Du?' pin on her frayed denim jacket! Is it that maybe real life situations are more nuanced than most stereotypes allow, and it's harder to fit people into a certain mold than one might expect? Should our narrator just relax and have an okay, if ridiculously priced dinner? Is he really in a mall bar right now, getting to know a multi-faceted human with a variety of styles and tastes, having an okay time?

Nah, on second thought he still doesn't want to be that kind of guy...


She said, "meet me at the mall bar!"
What could that mean?
Is she forty-five?
Is she fifteen!?

She'll probably get the salad--
some withering mixed greens.
She'll get the house drink--
some kind of fruit martini.

Is this the kind of life I live?
Is this the kind of love I have to give?

I don't wanna be (x4)
The kind of guy...
who hangs out in mall bars.

So, I met her at the mall bar.
This was the scene:
she was a median age,
and her hair was green.

She got the french fries
with her fish filet.
I got a coffee,
I got the porter steak.

This is the kind of life I live.
This is the kind of love I have to give.

But I still don't wanna be,
I don't wanna be (x3)
The kind of guy...
who hangs out in mall bars.


released May 7, 2016
Joel Wheeler: vocals, electric guitars
Amye Sagar: bass
Coach Calvin: drums
Peter Crisis (deceased): additional guitars



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Basketball Knees Toronto, Ontario

If sharing this court is a crime, we'll dunk side by side.

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